if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
