Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
