K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
