He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
