mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
How naked do you want me to be?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
