did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
