# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
