Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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