Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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