Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
