I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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