Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
