i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
