No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
