we're blogging at a bar
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She told me I should be a condom model.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
