so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I came so hard my ears popped.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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