Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
