I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
