I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
