i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
