I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
