i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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