So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
