I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
