Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
