I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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