i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
