Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
