Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
