Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Randomize
