There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
