Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
