a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
