I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
