Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
