I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize