Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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