At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
