you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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