I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
