I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
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My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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