no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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