Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
