im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
