if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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