3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
