U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
