My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
