She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
