so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
