I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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