I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
