3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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