went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
