I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
