how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
