Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need moral support for this bender
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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