i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We need to get me chipped asap
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
