I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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