Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
