Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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