..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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