i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The adults are the big ones right?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
