thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
