Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
