You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
