Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
