I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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