I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
