omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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