DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
