turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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