Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
