i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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