I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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I stole a fireplace last night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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