i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
