You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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